Dealing with any kind of loss can be easy or difficult, often depending on what you were taught as a child. I have been through many changes in my life recently. Each new thing has been at the cost of something lost.
I recently moved from my lifetime home in California to North Carolina. I do not regret my move to join my family in North Carolina, but at the same time I have had to deal with the loss of many things, including my beloved Basset Hound Rocky.
Four days before leaving California, I sat in an empty house. All belongings had been packed and shipped. Sharing an air mattress on the floor, I was surrounded by only my pets and the few things that were to be loaded in the car. That day my life changed forever between 2:00 am and 5:00 am; all my dog training experience would not help. The next three hours of terror ended with Rocky being put to sleep while he lay in my arms in a lonely exam room at the emergency vet hospital. If ever I had to draw a picture of what it felt like to be desperately lonely, that would be it.
Like most of you, I have dealt with different kinds of losses throughout my life. I was always taught to "just get over it." But this time, dealing with many losses at once, my heart and sprit were shattered. Rocky had taught me many things in his short 6-year life. He was still teaching me after his death; when we lose something we love, we must grieve. The "I'm tough enough to take it thing" just wasn't going to work this time.
My closest friends (all dog people) visited, bought me gifts and cards and did their best to let me know they shared my pain. But even while my heart was breaking, I confess, I thought to myself: they are acting silly. After all Rocky was a dog and it was not proper for me, a dog trainer, to show that kind of pain over a dog. I was wrong. They were right and I am so grateful they cared enough to show me how they felt. It is OK to feel bad when you lose something you love. It is OK to hurt when your heart is breaking. And, it is OK to show it.
So, how do you deal with the loss of a pet? The same way you deal with the loss of anything. And that way may not be the way you were taught as a child. I am sure the adults in my life had no idea the future damage it would do when they taught me to ignore the pain and heartbreak of loss. Because, not showing pain also means not showing joy. Because, not showing heartache also means not showing love. Losing Rocky is what it took to break my heart. Having a broken heart is what it took for me to pay attention when I heard Russell Friedman being interviewed on the radio.
Russell P. Friedman is the executive director of the Grief Recovery Institute. The radio show invited callers to ask Mr. Friedman questions. Though it was all interesting, I was drawn in by one caller who asked about getting over the loss of their dog. Mr. Friedman made it clear to the audience that the loss of a pet could be just as devastating as the loss of anyone or anything in your life. Grieving over a loss has to do with losing the relationship you have with something, not someone's judgment of whether or not the relationship is worthy of grieving over.
Dear Rocky,
Thank you for all the love and laughter you shared with me while you lived and for the pain that you shared with me at the time of your death. Having known both is what has shown me the way to properly start dealing with all the losses I have known throughout my life. I will love you forever.
Love, Mom
We are currently living through an era of uncertainty and change. If you have not lost something recently, then you probably know someone who has. No judgment over the what: a job, a home, a friend, a loved one, a pet or financial security. A loss is a loss. Go to this website and learn how to grieve and/or how to help those that are grieving.
Grief Recovery Institute (www.grief.net)
In conclusion, I will tell you that as I wrote this article about Rocky, I cried because it still hurts; and that is OK. You can share your story about dealing with the loss of your pet by visiting my blog at:
www.thedogladyspeaks.blogspot.com
Keywords: pets, dogs, dog training, dog blogs
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How to Deal with the Loss of a Pet
